My Addiction & it’s Near Destruction

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It’s finally the New Year! And of course, with a new year everyone is setting new goals to achieve. I read somewhere that you shouldn’t have the same goals as last year because it’s counterproductive. I partly agree with that, but I have my objections, too. Every year, even every day I have the goal of maintaining balance in my life. If you know me personally you know I can go from one extreme to another and in the blink of an eye. I’m either all the way in or all the way out. That’s why balance is imperative.  And sad to say I struggled all through the last 6 months of 2016 with keeping my balance as I have struggled most of my adult life.

In 2016, I was constantly battling myself to find discipline because of my self-diagnosed addiction to fun! Sounds kind of silly, right? I know! The demand of school along with the required attention needed from a nursing student in particular really took a toll on my “life”, special emphasis on FUN. By the end of the semester I literally felt dead from all the work and stress of school. A part of that exhaustion could be attributed to the few times I tried to squeeze “fun” into the agenda, but I was so pressed at times to feel relief from the pressure I thought it was deemed necessary.

Let’s rewind to May of 2016 when I was granted three weeks off from school and was just having so so so so much fun! I knew that if I didn’t get a grip it would interfere with the summer term, so I birthed loveburn the blog as an outlet. For years, I have used writing as a means of escaping stress and anxiety but decided to “go public” and transparent to help encourage open minds along with positive vibes. The only thing is that by September of 2016 not only was I unable to get anymore post out, but I didn’t even have time for myself. The most consistent regimen that remains is my skin care routine!

I was so bummed out from how school had taken total precedence over my life. Fun literally had become equivalent to taking a five-minute study break on social media. In fact, I began to really increase my time on social media as if in rebellion or protest of my lack of fun.  Our teachers tell us all the time, “life will be there after you finish, graduate, and pass your licensure test!” Realistically, what twenty year old wants to hear that let alone accept it. I literally was going to class, studying, sleeping and netflixn’ in between when time permitted. And to bring it all home, I wasn’t reaping the academic results I wanted, so I became even more frustrated. I was restless and discouraged with self-disappointment and convinced I was missing out on life!

And remember when I said I go from one extreme to another?  So when switched into “ fun mode” I turned it all the way up! I’m an adventurous girl and just adore everything spontaneous, but I don’t always think of the consequences that may be attached. And this past year I didn’t have to think of the consequences many of times because I was living them out! In November, I was really just getting tired and grasping for fun… I mean air so when opportunities were presenting themselves guess who was taking them. I was moving so fast that I was doing things out of the ordinary and completely out of character in some instances. And looking back after each occasion, I feel as if had I been practicing balance I wouldn’t have jumped at majority of those opportunities.

I was acting spontaneously in an attempt for relief, with a terrible approach. Now, even today roughly two months later I’ve been dealing with the consequence of chronic acne break outs on my face. Every time I look at my face it’s a reminder of my choices. I use the breakouts as a reminder of what my outrageous bursts of fun can literally look like if not chosen wisely. I’m sure most people feel like break outs probably aren’t that big of deal and actually I prefer it as a  consequence over the many others that I could have incurred on my flight of sporadic adventures. It’s important to recognize and learn from the small trials to prevent the more impactful tribulations.

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As I mentioned earlier I’ve struggled with balance for a while, but I’m glad I’ve made it a consistent goal for life. Struggle doesn’t determine your achievement only determination in accordance with persistence.  In 2017, I’m looking forward to doing so many great things but I know they’ll come with hard times, too. We all have things that we lean towards when times get tough, but I encourage you to make a true effort toward balance in your life so those things won’t challenge taking control over your life. In 2016, I allowed my addiction to fun to almost lead to my destruction in attempt to escape the pressures of life. This year let’s challenge ourselves to show growth from all the life lessons we’ve experienced thus far while incorporating balance. If you have a new goal(s) don’t let those be the only focus. Write it all out, make a plan, set realistic dates and create a schedule. If you slip up, just get right back up and back on schedule because winners never quit and quitters never win. And if ever you get down in the midst of the struggle remember it’s not where you are, it’s where you are headed! Happy New Year! XOXO

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2017 jumpstart goals:

  1. Love the Lord with all my heart
  2.  Lean on Him in times of struggle
  3. Be a better me than the day before
  4. Redefine fun
  5. Create and sustain meaningful relationships
  6. Be mindful, Be present

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Feel free to share your goals for 2017 down under! Positivity is welcomed and appreciated in all forms (like, comment, share, explore)!

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2 thoughts on “My Addiction & it’s Near Destruction

  1. I know the way you felt!! When life is so hectic that time for yourself is a luxury. Ugh! Ayla, remember all the fun and time we wasted together! We had no IDEA about real life. My self-sabotage is lack of planning and forward thinking. You honestly have always spoken of balance in life. Pray that we become wiser this year. Ecc. 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
    Cheers to being better!

    Liked by 1 person

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